Ain't no anna on my chest, there ain't no blood on my sweater.

Oh Heavens.

Well, I'm still being an excellent student.  Dean's list and all.  I'm counting down the days until I'm down with classes for good and finally move out into the world on my own...with my baby kitten.  Right now though, I am extremely behind in my reading.  My room, apartment and car were disasters but my room and apartment went through some spring cleaning and now just my car remains to be scrubbed- in and out. 

I've realized how true it is that thing's turn out the best for people who make the most out of the way thing's turn out.  I've realized if I have one redeeming quality it is that I look for the best in people and the best in situations.  It's easy to blame your circumstances but it's better to not blame anyone or anything.  When you have a negative aspect on life, how good can things in your life possibly be?  Karma is awesome too.  Seriously, if someone wrongs you it's really hard, for me at least, to turn down a fight.  I want to show them how wrong they are and let them know you can't do whatever you want.  But it's better to be complacent, ignore them if you have to, but leave the fight.  Everything comes back to bite you later and whether you decide to own up to your faults to yourself determines how much you'll get hit when it comes around again. 

I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life but waiting for this chapter to end is dreadful.  I mean, I love Bloomington and my Panera and Bloomington friends, but the negatives are overshadowing the positives.  I just need something to do with my time- and I obviously don't mean getting ahead in school- to help pass the time.  I think I'm going to write a book of some sort.  Two choices remain thus far. 

One would be called "Don't Be A Stupid Girl," for the girls who think " oh he'll come around and want a real relationship if I keep sleeping with him".  Or think "surely when times get tough he'll come through even though he's flaky in a perfect situation."  Pretty much I could just talk about how stupid boys are in some organized fashion. 

The second choice would be a romance novel.  Now I was considering your regular romance novel but I really don't think I'd be comfortable writing that.  The thing about romance novels is that they're formulaic...as in they're all the same.  Considering the really trashy the sultan's mistress, the prince's slave...whatever they might be called, you've got a particular plot.  Unfortunately I've never read any because I have class, BUT I have watched a lot of cheesy romance movies.  Same formula without the sexual relations, which I would be way more comfortable with. 

Not that anyone's on here but we could vote.

Social Norms

Buy a car
Graduate College
Get Job
Get Married
Buy a House
Have kids

Because that's what we do, isn't it?  That's what most of us been conditioned with our entire lives.  Today I realized that there's really no point in having children.  You can say oh: passing on genes to offspring, which is of course true, but we don't exactly have a shortage of children for future generations.  Why does everyone think that they have something to offer the world that is so amazing?  We're Americans, that's why. 

I figure people have kids for one of two reasons.  One- social norms.  Society dictates that our lives aren't complete until we've checked off everything on our list...then we die.  The necessity of having children is so engrained in us from childhood that it is almost impossible to separate it from our actual wants and needs.  And even I'm guilty of this.  I still say, "Well when I have kids, I'm going to...I won't..."  I cannot remember ever actually deciding I wanted kids, it was just assumed.  I think a lot of that is assumed for girls though.  Girls are primed with babydolls and stuffed animals that they treat like babies and take care of, and are rewarded with praise.  It doesn't end with childhood though.  You hear from a friend about someone who was married awhile ago.  What's one of the first things you ask?  "Do they have kids?" By God, they'd better.  Why haven't they?  Is something wrong with them?  Because why would anyone honestly choose not to have children and live their lives for themselves?  Their lives aren't complete until they've had a child....just like a woman isn't complete if she doesn't have a husband to take care of her. 

Two- Failing marriage.  I guess if a marriage is failing it seems that a baby would bring both people together.  But what when it doesn't?  Because it won't. Oops, now you're stuck with them for life even if you get divorced.  I think a lot of women have children to feel fulfilled and accomplished.   Having a child takes the place of a good marriage in many ways.  A child gives you someone to love, someone to love you, entertainment, and affection...all the things a good relationship...or a pet or a furby...would give you.

I'm not bad-mouthing having kids at all.  There are just a lot of really bad reasons people have children...besides tax breaks.  I mean, Caitlin just had Lily and she is without a doubt the cutest baby I have ever seen and I can't get enough of her.  I'm not referring to accidents either...I was an accident.  The problem is that a lot of people mindlessly enter into parenthood without thinking of the life changes having a baby requires.

Thank God I'm single for life.

So I guess anything's better than actually buckling down and finished my English paper.  Rarschararsch.  I guess I wish I was finished with just one class. I still have 3 Exams and 3 papers.  As far as grades go this semester, I'm borderline on a few classes. I could possibly end this semester fairly well if I can transform myself into a clinical psychologist who has administered hundreds of tests to patients and ace my test. 

Someone should help me with my intensive writing...I'm comparing two stories I'm sure no one has read.  My only problem- what do you do when your intro is two pages double spaced?  Yeah...this is a problem.  I wish I was back to only having to read for assignments...sigh.  And then, oh joy, I start summer school a week from Tuesday.  I'm taking finite and bioanthropology- it's a world of fun.

This was a pointless entry, I was just trying to organize my thoughts. 

Editing

So I started out the day determined to be a good student.  Every day that I wake up determined to do good, it rains.  Some people have seasonal depression when it's cold, I have seasonal laziness when it rains.  I'd rather curl back up in bed and sleep the whole day away then trudge through the rain and mud in my very stylish polka-dotted rainboots. 

I walked up the hill from the stadium parking lot to my car and started repeating to myself light as a feather, stiff as a board, as to not slide down the hill.  This was the moment I realized I' had been reading way too much.  I've been narrating my life in my head as if it was a story.  For instance "I had no idea why those words came to mind, maybe somehow the gods of the game would guide my passage up the hill, or I had seen it on South Park last night."  People like me don't write books, it'd be like watching a lifetime movie on Sunday; uninteresting, mildly entertaining at best, but better than searching for something else to watch. 

With one class cancelled and one skipped to prepare for the cancelled class, I ended up at home with enough time to catch up in all my classes.  All this, somehow, led to xanga, which I haven't touched (except to celebrate the fall of the Patriots) for longer than I can remember.  I started editing all the things about my xanga that were no longer true.  I realized that when editing the xanga, I was really editing the details of my life. 

So much has changed in the past year.  I was looking for a profile pic and saw Homecoming weekend, my birthday weekend, and a thousand other good times just from first semester.  I love the apartment we're living in now, and next year we're moving to brand new apartments with all the perks we ever wanted plus some.  I feel like even Cassie and I have learned to break loose.  I mean, we did go to Muncie Gras (pronounced grawl).  We met a lot of people...guys, some better than others and we may have even developed a new friendship from it. 

I guess most of the changes are due to changes in the people around me.  It's always sad when your closest friends move, but sometimes it works out for the best.  I made dean's list last semester.  I'm beginning to slack off this semester but I figure I have time to make it up.  I think I've changed a lot in other ways.  I'm not as in-the-box as I used to be.  I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.  I think it's better to have an opinion even if you're in the minority, remember the Colonists v. English...yeah, that was a good time. Though I know quite a few who would disagree, well not in so many words, because who wants to publically fight free speech?  As for right now, I'm off to read and then go swimming. 

~Elecia

Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come. So far, we are, so close.

PATRIOTS LOST!

Tom Brady hates kittens.  God hates the Patriots. 

Rise and Shine and give God the glory glory
Rise and Shine and give God the glory glory
Rise and Shine and (clap) give God the glory glory
Giants of New York!